Many people believe that to pursue spirituality requires giving up family, lovers, work, play. They fear that the cost of practicing the spiritual principle of non-attachment is alienation and loneliness. When inundated by someone trying to convert us to their spiritual/religious beliefs we often think, "God, I hope I never do that to anyone. See what happens when you get into spirituality - you become a fanatic." Others struggle with thoughts like, " How will I function if I open to a spiritual life? I won't be able to think straight, be a good business person, handle my responsibilities."
We seek spirituality because our soul is pushing up inside us, begging for attention - insistent that the time has come to look to Source (God/Goddess). From that moment on it may feel as if our life isn't our own but rather belongs to something larger. The impulse to focus on our spiritual growth is usually connected to a deep desire for transformation - liberation. Yet we fear who we might become through this transformation. Do we have to let go of everyone who might not fit into our pathway of liberation? How can we stay on the same page with the people we share our lives with while going through a spiritual process that inherently breaks down all structures, false beliefs, blocking our awakening? To practice non-attachment feels like an impossible assignment in the face of our human needs for relatedness, support and contact.
We can't force our loved ones to take the step with us. That would only backfire. Yet spiritual practices open our awareness, kick up karmic issues, stimulate our wisdom/larger perspective - all of which CHANGE the way we have always been. The moment we decide to commit to our spiritual growth, evolutionary pressure is invariably placed on all those we are connected with to grow alongside us. If they don't we either have to bridge the ever-widening gap through compassion, acceptance and patience, or let go.
Adding to the heat, our friends/family are often resistant to our evolution, fearful of losing us to our spiritual path. Perhaps unconsciously trying to reel us back into our "normal" way of being, they pour out subtle, judgmental critical comments about our new spiritually. Spiritual growth magnetizes ancient karmic wounds up to the surface for healing. When this material surfaces it appears that we are doing worse than we were before we started getting spiritual. This is a choice moment for skeptical loved ones to encourage us to stop this foolish nonsense - it's only causing us pain anyway - how good could it possibly be? This feeds our internal doubts about doing this spiritual thing anyway.
Common ground with loved ones begins to slip out from under us as we bushwhack into the adventure of developing spirituality. Like a ship setting sail out onto the open sea, we look back at what we have left on the dock and wonder what this is all about. If all our loved ones are standing on the dock beckoning us to turn back, it takes considerable courage, willpower and determination to move forward, especially when we are moving into a sea of uncertainty, mystery. In that moment we may question our sanity. Have we gone mad? False beliefs try to seduce us into aborting the entire process. " There is too much at stake. It's not worth it. Your loved ones really care, why would they lead you astray? Let go of this spirituality stuff and appreciate what you already have." Will our burgeoning spirituality cost us our most cherished relationships?
Getting spiritual often involves energetic refinement through practices like prayer, meditation, yoga, chi gong, service to others. As our energy purifies, our personality changes. Loved ones protest that they no longer recognize us and can't relate to who we are becoming. Our heightened vibratory rate changes the previous harmonious resonance binding our relationships to one that temporarily feels discordant. Is there enough glue to hold relationships together within these shifting frequencies? Our perceptions start to expand, dissolving old judgments, invoking wisdom. If we can't join in with our loved ones in the usual negative banter about life it may seem like we are elevating ourselves right out of our support system and emotional security. While many people weekly attend church or temple, few truly live a daily spiritual life. Spiritual growth is an on-going process, inextricable from our employment, family, lovers, friends. When we begin to model spirituality to our tribe, will they exile us or embrace our efforts? Bucking the tribe is something few of us wish to take on, especially if we have spent much of our lives trying to be secure within the tribe.
Once we spiritually catch on fire there is a burning desire to share and celebrate our new discoveries. This often leads to rejection. People aren't interested or simply don't want to hear it. Perhaps we have gone a little overboard with our spiritual gusto and inadvertently driven them away. Or maybe they simply aren't ready to entertain this greater dimension of being. When rejected, our personal stamina for spiritual questing can be undermined. Is it a crossroads between choosing God leading to loneliness, or choosing human relationships while silently starving for the spiritual dimension?
How can we share our new discoveries so that others can hear? The Tibetan teaches that our awakening process is going to occur in groups. Relatedness and shared communion propel us forward into heightened consciousness. This group format counters the old false beliefs that the spiritual mystic is fated to be a loner unable to integrate into the community.
Teaching/preaching may create the opposite of its desired effect. Modeling is a neutral approach. We can practice non-attachment and accept our loved ones' lack of acceptance or disinterest while we embody the glorious changes and enhancements that spiritual life provides. The razor's edge is to not let others' negativity snuff out our fire by remembering earlier times when we believed spiritual life to be stuffy, puritanical, demanding, austere, inconvenient. If we woke up to the hunger for more, so will everyone. Spiritual rewards of enhanced clarity enable us to sense when others are hungry to hear our spiritual message. They absorb our energy with joy and excitement. When force-feeding our discoveries to those still deeply asleep and needing to stay that way for a while, our words bounce off the walls of their resistance and return to us with a thud.
Growing pains also include the ego's reaction to this process. As our consciousness opens, initial spiritual intoxication makes our ego drunk on grandiosity. The ego may latch on for final control by deciding that this heightened awareness is its domain - resulting in superiority, inflation, judgments of others not on the path. This fuels alienation. We may try to hide those changes, "staying in the closet," so others won't be threatened. Ultimately we are found out. Our light factor can't be dimmed or contained by any closet. Yes, it seems to be a perilous journey as we undertake spiritual growth, but well worth the commitment knowing that others further down the evolutionary road have paved the way for us as we bushwhack the spiritual trail for those ripe to flow into our slipstream of awakening.
The Tibetan strides forward to meet me, teasingly stepping over the rubble of these illusions - false beliefs indicating that embarking on a spiritual pathway is perilous. He says:
"Everyone is on the path. All of life is spiritual. Assume that the path is filled with grace and ease. Open hearted spirituality magnetizes others, infusing them with trust in this process. Embody the joy, insights, wisdom, love, acceptance that spirituality bestows. Others will notice with curiosity, anticipation, excitement as their cells quicken in response to this mirror of their own destiny.
"Self has agreed to catalyze the awakening of specified others karmically designated before this incarnation. Don't assume that these particular people are those self is close to. Be open to the serendipity that brings just the right people in contact for self to fulfill this agreement. Practice patience with those closest to self, trusting that they will inevitably prioritize their spiritual life when they are ready.
"The tender process of spiritual emergence, aligning the relationship between the higher self and ego, requires sensitivity. The ego, sensing a higher frequency infusing self's being, reacts with an increased need for control. The student lovingly accepts the ego's reaction while continuing on the pathway.
"Students may initially need to hold silence regarding their process to protect this delicate new commitment to the higher self. The ego needs little opposition from others to trigger its constricting impulse which retards the initial opening. Connect with other spiritual students. Dispel the myth that spirituality has to be suffered in isolation. Support from like-minded groups nourishes the new student's trust and commitment. When firmly anchored on the pathway, the student, stable enough to share openly with all eager to hear about this wondrous adventure of awakening, cannot be knocked out of balance by those with eyes and ears still tightly shut.
"To proselytize about self's spiritual pathway reflects the illusion that others need to be knocked on the head or captured in order to commit to their divinity, and that self is the one who knows what is best for them. The enhanced awareness resulting from spiritual growth enables the new student to begin to perceive blockages in others. This doesn't mean that self is the designated one to break through these obstructions. The mystery within the Divine Plan is full of surprises. People open up in unusual ways through unexpected circumstances. Contain the hubris of the ego's reaction to the initial spiritual gifts flowing in. Don't assume that self knows the truth for others. Be alert to the ego's impulse to judge others who are "not on the path." All are on the path whether they know it or not.
"Others will ask self for spiritual guidance, inspiration, support as self grows beyond the ego's initial reaction. When others are awakened by a voracious appetite for Source, self becomes a reservoir of divine nourishment. The accelerated energies are quickening this process for the collective. Self will not be alone in the quest for communal spiritual relatedness. Soon spiritual support systems will be proliferating.
"Stay heartfully connected with those loved ones who have yet to consciously initiate their spiritual advancement. Hold them with compassion, internally reminding them that spiritual life is ultimately all there is and ever has been. Like blowing on a cocoon to prematurely witness the emergence of the butterfly, to push them would abort the delicate unfoldment of their destiny so sensitively timed within the Divine Plan. Remind self that all are already enlightened, thereby releasing fear that self will evolve beyond loved ones and be forced to abandon them due to their lack of consciousness.
"Bring the expanded self home to family, friends, community as a radiate example of what is probable for all. Self's spiritual growth inevitably opens the heart chakra, strengthening the adhesive uniting self with loved ones. Karmically, self agreed to go first, pioneering spiritual life in a way that is digestible to their loved one's energetic fields not acclimated to this "foreign" food. Allow them to take little bites as inquisitiveness gets the better of them, trusting their digestive track to purify and expand its capacity for MORE. To force feed a baby just makes it spit up what it can't process. Enjoy the exquisite timing of this ordinary miracle of awakening. Trust that the more self lets go of needing to get through to others, the more others will circle around self in deep appreciation of self's growing metaphysical being.
"All are unfolding to become teachers within this mystery of collective awakening. Bring the unconditional love and patience of the great sage that is Self with arms stretched out wide to embrace the young in evolution as self is transported by the magnetic gifts of those already initiated into the wonders of spiritual life. Rejoice in this moment of amplified possibility with deep gratitude toward all who have patiently held self's awakening in the golden chrysalis of Self's enlightened being. From this place of true humility, spiritual growing pains dissolve, liberating self to view the big picture of collective fellowship where Source's fire sparks the Light of Love sweeping all into the Ocean of Cosmic Consciousness."
By Moriah Marston