How does psychotherapy help us to heal our unresolved issues from the past and uncover our desire and courage to move forward in our relationships? There are three elements involved in the therapeutic relationship which foster our ability to do this.
First, the therapy session itself can be a place of security where our powerful and, sometimes, overwhelming feelings can be ‘contained’. Getting in touch with our feelings can create a fear that we will lose control and/or a particular feeling, once allowed to be released, will continue to flow indefinitely. Boundaries create a feeling of security and help us to move past this fear. Once we enter the therapist’s office, the door is closed and remains shut for the duration of the session with no interruptions, all phones are turned off and voice mail is allowed to pick up calls. The session is time-limited, usually 45-50 minutes. All of these boundaries create a ‘container’ in which to identify, experience, and let go of emotional pain.
A second element is the plasticity of the mind, which enables us to ‘go back’ and re-experience painful feelings connected to specific events in our lives. By re-experiencing them in a secure and non-judgmental environment we can practice healthier ways to cope with these feelings that we might not have had the knowledge of or ability to utilize in the past. In this way, we can gain a sense of empowerment over past experiences and then move on from them. For many of us, relationship behaviors develop into patterns which keep us stuck in unhealthy situations. A therapist can help us to recognize these patterns, and most importantly, support us when we choose to ‘ try out’ a new relationship behavior, working through the discomfort that comes from making a change in our lives.
A third element is the role of the therapist as ‘witness’ to a client’s emotional pain. A feeling of relief often results when we ‘put’ our pain somewhere, allowing the therapist to take it in and sit with it while accompanying us on our personal journey toward emotional healing. During the course of treatment, many clients recognize that, in the past, they were very much alone with their emotional pain and no one person was available to share in their struggle. Self-awareness and mastery over our emotions is easier when we do not feel so alone.
There is a time of ‘readiness’ for each individual person- a time when he/she is able to recognize being ‘stuck’ in certain relationships and to feel a sense of urgency in taking action to change it. When we reach out for help from a mental health professional, we are accomplishing several important steps toward personal growth:
- recognizing our own needs
- taking responsibility for our needs
- demonstrating faith in our ability to create the life we desire
- demonstrating faith in the power of human connection to produce positive change
The working relationship between a client and therapist can infuse us with enough of a sense of safety and acceptance that we release our deepest emotional wounds and begin to create the relationships we have always longed for.