Pleasure is what gets you started. You get an idea that excites you, your pulse quickens, pupils dilate and you say YES! You want to do it, have to do it and the excitement and energy runs high. Then it happens, you hit a snag and it starts - the Pain.
You feel it when your idea isn't working the way you thought and you're not sure how to continue on. It's like the ugly duckling stage and you're not sure if it really will turn into that unique, beautiful, never-seen-before swan you were hoping for. At this stage the work feels like it's taking forever, or taking too long to figure out or both and that initial excitement is long gone and replaced by anxiety and a growing dread. Not to worry however as this is the exact time to apply the big gun tool of Persistence.
Once Persistence enters the picture she's the diligently determined dog digging in the hard ground of the back yard because she just KNOWS there's a big, juicy bone down there some where, and she's right. In the pain stage you felt like the universe was mocking your creative instinct, but when Peristence enters the room the universe falls back and marvels at the sheer power of it's tenacity. YOUR tenacity. One way or another you WILL finish this. And you do.
I learned this fact, the three P's of Successful Creativity, over the last 4 months. Back in October 2011, as I was out for a fall walk I was inspired by the changing of the leaves and envisioned a gorgeous triptych (series of three paintings) with oak leaves being the subject matter and the theme being the transition from summer's deep, dark green lush growth to the beautiful gold and tan of fall. I thought I'd be done in just a week or two. Think again.
I was plagued by continuing exhaustion, ill health, unwanted travel, emotional and physical upset. It was a rough fall and Christmas. I had managed to get two of the three panels done but by the third panel I was no longer excited by the material (it was now very much winter) and honestly, I didn't know how exactly to proceed. I had been first propelled by beauty of the subject matter and the flow of the paint onto canvas. Things were really clicking. Then I hit the pain. I felt like this triptych was not going to be.
Why do so many of us stop when we feel the pain? It's because we don't want to experience failure. Surely after all the hours, days, weeks and sometimes, even years that we pour into our creative pursuit, to be confronted with that being a failure is too much to bare, especially if we feel we have had too many already. For some, it can be a tipping point into depression or some other much feared imagined outcome.
Then it happened, my stubbornness kicked in. It was bigger than the fear, then the feeling of "Wouldn't it be easier to just give up?" I decided no, it wouldn't be (I'd just feel like an utter loser that way). No, I was going to finish this thing whether it wanted to be finished or not AND I was going to be persistent. I was going to show up and work on that last panel, no matter HOW long it took and it was a while. I was gritting my teeth at some points. I REALLY didn't want to do this anymore. I was tired of trying to figure it out and it was exhausting. But I kept coming back. Over and over again, until finally, in the wee hours of the morning, there it was. Done.
I have a good friend who does my art critiques for me. His eye is excellent. I called him up to come over to see it for the first time. I set the series of three paintings up on the wall so that when he walked in they were the first thing he saw. His immediate response is always bang on and the truth, whether I like it or not. I braced myself.
He walked in and the first thing he said was, "Oh, that looks GREAT! I especially like the last panel". He walked over to give it a closer inspection and remarked again that it was his favourite of the three. I was relieved and it hit me immediately. Creativity, successful creativity, sometimes, most times, is 10% inspiration and 90% hard work. It's sticking to something when you would like to pitch it out the window. Now, sometimes, you do have to let something go when you know it's not working and that it's not going to work. We know our truth on these things whether we want to admit that or not. Just like I knew that I would be successful in completing this series BUT it was going to be hard work, and that i was just going to have to feel the pain of that. Having to deal with chronic illness on top of creative challenges, I have come to realize that truly this is so, and that pleasure, pain and persistence can help me, and anyone with chronic illness achieve, creative (and productive) success in spite of all the losses we have suffered. May we all be so blessed.